His Burning Secret
by azureLuna11
Summary: Set right after the Season 3 finale, how are you supposed to move on from your own brother's death...? How?


**...alright. Hopefully, I do this right bc this is my first time writing in the Ninjago fandom. So I rly don't wanna screw this up.**

 **Yellow everybody, prepare to have your hearts ripped out. I'm horrible. Sue me.**

*Warnings* **Language (sssoorrrryyyy, it had to be done) (BUT. there's no f-bombs) severe depressing thoughts, and drug/alcohol addictions :(**

 **Thank u, and enjoy :) and Happy Early Easter**

* * *

This wasn't supposed to happen. Not like this.

But it did. He wanted to seriously hurt someone whenever he heard that one damn sentence,

'Ninja Never Quit'.

Bullshit. What people didn't realize was that "Ninja", don't last forever. So what's the point? It pissed him off at how disrespectful the citizens of this city were. What? Did they think that they were all simply invincible superheroes and never once got hurt and never died? And even if one of them **did** die, then the rest of 'em were supposed to just accept it and move on? Sometimes he wondered why the hell he chose to put his life on the line for this ungrateful place, full of idiots who had _no idea,_ what he, his brothers, and little sister went through. Every. Single. Day.

Kai remembered the funeral. And his speech. How was he able to stay so calm/collective when all that was happening? He didn't know. Maybe it had to do with the fact that he hadn't come to fully believe it yet. Or that he knew he couldn't break down in front of his team, when all of them were staying strong. And then they'd see him as weak (which he was).

Zane was an amazing brother. Great cook, awesome listener, cool hair, weird personality, but that's what made him so different, in a good way. God, he was probably more innocent than Lloyd ever was. The world needed more Zanes, but the world was cruel. Very cruel. It took anyone that was even remotely close to Zane, and crush 'em without mercy. That was why his brother was dead.

Dead. Death. Such ugly scary words. He experienced it for the first time when he was five, _five._ His whole life, he desperately wanted... no. Needed closure, on what caused his parents to die. He never got that closure as a kid. But now... maybe... this is what can help him have closure, just for a moment anyways.

Clutching the almost empty beer bottle, he took another swing. Damn, how'd he reach this level of low? Shirtless in an alley, black eye, no money, filthy, drunk. If you were to glance in his direction, you'd never guess it was the 'Master of Fire', instead you'd sent him a dirty look and wonder how a stupid teenager would waste his life like that.

* * *

If Kai had to choose between drinking, or pills, he'd probably stick with the drinks. He didn't know why, he just liked it better. And drinks costed money. And he was broke. Spending most nights on the sidewalk. So, he went to the first bar he saw, and asked if they were hiring. But apparently that 'bar', was actually an underground fight club. But they had a bar, so it'd work. The waitress told him that if he could fight, then he'd get the job easy.

He did. Wasn't much of a challenge though, all they gave him was a punk. Basically, one good punch and the guy was out.

Later, and several bottles later, the man who ran the place asked him what his name was, so he could write him down as champion. In his drunken state, he slurred out, " _The Red Shogun"._ Somehow, the man had translated that to 'The Flaming Shogun', but whatever. He was drunk, and both were stupid-ass names regardless.

* * *

'It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, it's alright. It's all good, they're still alive. **He's** not here, Zane killed him. Don't be scared, I'm not scared," Kai kept chanting to himself in a desperate attempt to stop himself from having a full-blown panic attack. His nightmares never ceased to visit him. They never stopped. No matter _what_ he did, they kept coming. To haunt him, to mock him. Rushing towards his nightstand, he searched for his pills with tears already forming in his dark brown eyes

He found 'em, and swallowed them without hesitation.

* * *

It should've been him. It should have. He deserved it. Not Zane...Zane deserved to live.

He wasn't worth anything, everyone would've gotten over his demise much sooner , he was sure of it.

The team _needed_ Zane. Without him, they were broken. He was broken.

Throwing away his cigarette, Kai headed back to his room. Wondering if the black hole in his burning heart would ever heal...

* * *

* **cl** **utches sensitive heart* THE FEELS.**

 **I suck, I know.**

 **This was literally an idea that entered ny brain, and it would just... not leave.**

 **Tbh, I rly didn't like how Lloyd talked to Kai in the first episode of season 4, or... Cole... or Jay. Yeah. He just handled it sloppy. Obviously Kai, Cole, Zane, and Jay are the original four. So that means they have a special/ unbreakable . So Lloyd kkkkkiiiiinnnnndddddaaaaaaa ignored that important lil fact.**

 **I seriously hate the way the writers handle Kai's character development tho, he has so much potential. And I see him as an interesting character, not rly just a' hot-head'. He matured so much in Possession, and I loved that. Then they ruined it in Skybound. And again In Sons of Garmadon (especially with that one episode where literally everyone was willing to sacrifice their powers for Lloyd... cept him. Like rly?)**

 **Anyways, that's all I got for u amazing human beings, hoped this one-shot lived up to your expectations :)**


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